So this week started out with me giving myself a first degree burn on my dominant hand by spilling coffee all over it on Monday morning. I scared the crap out of my girls and my husband who was home sick that day. I stayed home Thursday after toughing out all day meetings on Wednesday. I had to take a sick day because I knew I had a sinus infection. Today we shorted the circuit in our kitchen and fried the toaster. I was not watching the girls make the toast; otherwise I would have warned them that a fork and a toaster that is currently toasting is not a good mix. I am blaming my momnesia on an antibiotic fog and chronic sleep deprivation.
At work and online, I felt this sense of everyone trying to come together to find solutions and work together. This type of work brutal. It is such tough work to change our habits and try new things. It requires lots of soul-searching and figuring out where I can improve. Sometimes it goes really well. Other times, I fall flat on my face. I dust myself off, and I get back up. I keep reading and learning and working to understand.
Three things warmed my heart today – the love of a community for some of its tireless advocates, the love of an online community sending so much positive energy to a mama who’s struggling with scarce local resources, and my two sweet girls. I talk to them often about my struggle with mental illness. I tell them in terms that they understand. They know I take medication daily; I call them my “patience pills”. They know that I see a doctor, and that Mommy likes to talk about her feelings, their feelings and even Daddy’s feelings. My Skeeter finally got it that I had a hard time after she was born. She seemed so sad for a few minutes. I held her, and I told her what I did to get better. Then my sweet Munch piped up that “lots of mommies have a hard time”. Skeeter said, “It doesn’t matter the color of their skin. They all need help”. I hugged these two amazing souls that I have the privilege to parent and reiterated my promise that Mommy would be there for them when they have their babies. I told them that they can tell Mommy anything. I will understand, and I will help them get the help they need.