September is all about transition around here. Both girls are now in school together. Skeeter is adapting well to the new school, and Munch is adoring first grade. With fall comes the new year of dance classes. Skeeter is taking both ballet and tap this year. Munch is taking ballet, tap, jazz and hip-hop. The girls love their new teachers at our studio, and they can barely sit still without dancing around the house during dinner. The girls have been more tired and cranky as we adjust to our new normal.
I, on the other hand, stink at transitions. These transitions cause me so much anxiety. This month has not been kind to me and my mental health. My anxiety was ramping up way too much. I stopped my weaning efforts entirely, and I upped my dosage of my antidepressant. I heard a wonderful talk regarding how transitions cause anxiety and that this is normal. I feel like I do my daughters a disservice when I cannot manage my anxiety. It has been a year since I got into a car accident that resulted in the return of my intrusive thoughts. When my husband mentioned that anniversary, it made so much sense how heightened all these transitions and changes were making me. I struggled with daily panic attacks for a week. I could not figure out why everything was affecting more. My self-care routine had remained the same. In fact I was exercising with more frequency and more intensity. This did not seem to diminish the feelings of panic. I need to realize that I need to give myself grace and kindness as the summer ends and the school year begins. I am giving myself lots of room and space to understand that medication is a necessity for me. I need this medication to regulate my brain chemistry. That small pill is key to my mental health and my self-care routine.