I allowed my inner critic to beat me up for the past week. I wallowed in shame and self-pity. I felt like a fraud. Who did I think I was? Why did I even consider playing in the big leagues and taking risks? I felt like I had let everyone down – my husband, my girls, my family, my friends, and my colleagues. All I heard in my head was that refrain of “not enough” and “failure”. I put so much pressure on myself, and I berate myself when I cannot live up to my impossibly high expectations of myself. I realized that I have been this way since I was a young child. My parents have always been extremely supportive of me in whatever I do. All of this pressure is self-imposed.
I reached out to some trusted friends and family, and they reminded me that I am worthy. I am deserving. I doubted myself, my abilities, and my worth. I let myself spiral down into shame, apathy, and misery.
I am climbing back out of the pit. I am writing and reading things that inspire me. I am working on my personal development to continue to develop my confidence in myself. I am making time for self-care. One of my biggest tools for self-care has been to get enough sleep. I am just coming out of a bout of sinus infections and back to back ear infections. I am recommitting to using my gratitude journal. I want to thank my biggest cheerleaders, Jenna and Story, for encouraging me and letting me vent.