Feeling like a fraud

I allowed my inner critic to beat me up for the past week.  I wallowed in shame and self-pity.  I felt like a fraud.  Who did I think I was?  Why did I even consider playing in the big leagues and taking risks?  I felt like I had let everyone down – my husband, my girls, my family, my friends, and my colleagues.  All I heard in my head was that refrain of “not enough” and “failure”.  I put so much pressure on myself, and I berate myself when I cannot live up to my impossibly high expectations of myself.   I realized that I have been this way since I was a young child.  My parents have always been extremely supportive of me in whatever I do.  All of this pressure is self-imposed.

I reached out to some trusted friends and family, and they reminded me that I am worthy.  I am deserving.  I doubted myself, my abilities, and my worth.  I let myself spiral down into shame, apathy, and misery.

I am climbing back out of the pit.  I am writing and reading things that inspire me.  I am working on my personal development to continue to develop my confidence in myself.  I am making time for self-care.  One of my biggest tools for self-care has been to get enough sleep.  I am just coming out of a bout of sinus infections and back to back ear infections.  I am recommitting to using my gratitude journal.  I want to thank my biggest cheerleaders, Jenna and Story, for encouraging me and letting me vent.

 

About tranquilamama

Juggling parenthood, housework and working outside the home in the corporate world with my wonderful husband. Mom to 2 beautiful girls. PPD and PPA survivor. The title of my blog is after a phrase that was repeated to me in Spain during my semester abroad in college. It roughly translates to relax and calm down. Trying to tame my inner perfectionist and just be a good enough mom.
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10 Responses to Feeling like a fraud

  1. Jaime says:

    I’m so glad you’re reaching out and making time for self-care. I’m trying to remember to use my Gratitude app again. I used to be so good at it for years, and then I just stopped. Maybe we can help each other stay on track.

  2. story3girl says:

    You are the best. Truly.

  3. OneDM says:

    Self-care…it’s an amazing concept, isn’t it? It seems like it should be so automatic and natural, and yet it’s always the first thing to fall off the radar when things get rough. Good for you for recognizing what you need, and taking the time to regroup!

  4. I’m glad you found time to write about the feelings you were having. You know they resonate with me, and I’m so grateful for you and how you get me. The internal work I’m doing this week is a result of some of those conversations we had last week. #reasonsyouremyBFF🙂

  5. Becky says:

    I hear you loud and clear. We need to be kind to ourselves or life’s gonna be hard. I’m working on trying to change the tone and words of my inner critic too.

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