I felt that choking feeling again. I could not sit still. Anxiety had reared its ugly head again. I looked on in horror as I noticed a hive on my wrist. I have not broken out in hives from anxiety in over a decade. I knew that it was time for me to take control. I sat and breathed through my anxiety and just sat with those feelings. Once I identify my triggers, then I can focus on finding solutions and reframing my thoughts.
I realized what had triggered my anxiety was my fear over my sweet Skeeter’s health. It was almost three years to the day that I had driven to the emergency room of Children’s Hospital. Two days after that trip, our pediatrician admitted her to the hospital for a three-day stay so her urinary tract infection could be treated with IV antibiotics. This event contributed greatly to my postpartum anxiety.
Here we were again, at Children’s Urgent Care Clinic on a weekend. I began beating myself up because I missed the signs again of a urinary tract infection. Skeeter suffers from VUR (vesicouretal reflux), otherwise known as bladder reflux. I had taken her to the pediatrician the day before because she just seemed “off”. When our amazing doctor asked me if she was showing any symptoms of a bladder infection, I said no. We were checking out her nasal congestion and a lingering, wet cough. Why did I not push for a simple urine test? It only takes ten minutes. I am her mama. I advocate for her care and well-being..
This was the second urinary tract infection within a month. Skeeter had finished antibiotics only six days earlier. She also had hives all over her body. Since I have suffered from hives, I understood how miserable Skeeter felt. I felt powerless since I could not alleviate her itching. We did not have any children’s antihistamines in the house. All we had in our house was a topical ointment that provided temporary relief for her. I cannot control what I did, but I can control my future actions. I will advocate for a urine test every time that Skeeter goes to the pediatrician’s office for an illness. I am also going to advocate for the antibiotic that she was given by her specialist. That antibiotic seems to have the best success with treating her infections quickly. I also need to remember that Skeeter is very three. She can tell me that she does not feel well, but she is unable to articulate very well what hurts. I need to keep her asking her specific questions to try to isolate what the exact issue is. Also I need to cut myself some slack. I cannot be omniscient. I am doing the best that I can with the information that I have. I trusted my mama gut, and I took her in the following day. When I trust my intuition, it does not steer me wrong.