Five years – the day I became a mom

My sweet Munch,

I cannot believe that you’ll be five years old. It seems like just yesterday that you were placed into my arms. Your daddy and I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.

You are such an observer of the world, and you remember everything. I hope that you can write all these wonderful memories as you start writing and reading. I am continuously amazed by all the details you remember.

You are so much like your mama, my sweet girl. You are a night owl. You do not want to go to sleep at night in case you might miss something. You love to learn. I hope that you will be a lifelong learner.

You feel things deeply. Your sensitive nature is what worries me the most. I fear that you will think that you did something wrong when I was sick after Skeeter was born. I cried a lot, and I yelled a lot. I regret that I did not get the help I needed right away. I regret that you were the brunt of my impatience and irritability along with your daddy. I want you to know how much I love you just as you are. I feel like you took on the responsibility for acting silly or goofy to get my attention and help me snap out of my depression. It does not work that way. You are not to blame for mommy being sad or mad. Please know this. I loved you through all of that even when I did not act lovingly towards you.

I love you so much, my sweet girl. You do not need to make me happy. My life is so much richer with you in it. I am so proud of you and the girl you are becoming. You are kind and tolerant. Please do not ever lose your compassion for others. That is my favorite quality of yours. You inspire me daily to be the mom you need me to be.

Love,

Mama

About tranquilamama

Juggling parenthood, housework and working outside the home in the corporate world with my wonderful husband. Mom to 2 beautiful girls. PPD and PPA survivor. The title of my blog is after a phrase that was repeated to me in Spain during my semester abroad in college. It roughly translates to relax and calm down. Trying to tame my inner perfectionist and just be a good enough mom.
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13 Responses to Five years – the day I became a mom

  1. lumatiza says:

    You brought a couple of tears to my eyes this morning since my daughter is turning 5 tomorrow as well and I too went through post-partum depression! Nicely written!

  2. What a beautiful post to honor her with!!! Happy Birthing Day!

  3. What a sweet post! I guess there’s not a mom around who doesn’t wish she could go back in time and have a “re-do” to rectify a harsh word or thoughtless remark. God forgives and we eventually forgive ourselves, strive to learn from our mistakes and be more patient and thoughtful next time.

    I can relate even years later to what you went through – in the “old days” doctors didn’t understand or believe in PPD. Praise God my daughter is a good friend now.

    • Ellie, thank you so much for reading and commenting. I have so many “re-do” moments that I would change if I could. My faith reminds me that no one is perfect. So sorry that you also suffered from PPD. Those battle wounds run deep, but they make us who we are. I hope that I continue to have a great relationship with my oldest.

  4. Happy Birthday to your sweet girl and Happy Momiversary to you!

  5. So sweet and beautiful. Happy Birthday to Munch!

  6. Hi – As another reader said, I guess there is no mama who does not wish she can go back and relive some moments with the wisdom she has today, gained from experience and tough times. I have a few moments I replay in my head. Maybe someday I will be brave enuf to bring them to light as you have here.

    • Kathy, thank you so much for the wonderful compliment. I do not think of myself as brave. I just have reached a point in my recovery where I do not want any mom to suffer for as long as I did and to feel like they are alone. So I continue to out myself among my family and friends. It has been liberating and affirming to see how much love and compassion I have received.

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