Just Be Enough: One of the Hardest Things I Have Ever Had to Do

One of the hardest things that I have ever had to do was to admit that I still am struggling with anxiety.  I met with my therapist last week, and she gently recommended a possible medication dosage increase.  I realized that I have been taking more of my anti-anxiety medication than I had anticipated.  I am seeing my therapist on a more regular basis instead of just calling her as I need to. 

I have unrealistic expectations of myself.  I try to be super mom and do it all.  I want to change how I react to things, but I hate to admit that I need help.  My pride gets in the way.  I realized that I needed to do something when my friend @story3girl told me that she hated to see me struggling so much.  I thought I was coping so well, but I could not fool some of my dear friends who can read through the lines of blog posts, Facebook posts and tweets. 

So I am amping up the self-care.  I am trying a bit unsuccessfully to get more sleep.  I am making a committed effort to move more.  I registered at our on site fitness center, and I have committed to a weekly yoga class for the next two months.  I am looking at exercise as a release for all the tension and anxiety.  I am taking baby steps and committing to just a half hour of exercise three to four days a week.

I am keeping in touch with my therapist and my psychiatrist.  I am working on giving myself mini-breaks throughout the day to help refocus myself.  I am working on giving myself permission to be anxious as I continue to ramp up in my new position.  No one can learn a new position and be an expert in sixty days, right?  I am giving myself time and permission to adjust to my expectations and learn the expectations of the new position.  I realize how much of my identity is wrapped up in what I do instead of who I am.  I think that this contributes to my quest for perfectionism and the resulting anxiety.  I am giving myself permission to just be enough as I am right now in this very moment. 

About tranquilamama

Juggling parenthood, housework and working outside the home in the corporate world with my wonderful husband. Mom to 2 beautiful girls. PPD and PPA survivor. The title of my blog is after a phrase that was repeated to me in Spain during my semester abroad in college. It roughly translates to relax and calm down. Trying to tame my inner perfectionist and just be a good enough mom.
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10 Responses to Just Be Enough: One of the Hardest Things I Have Ever Had to Do

  1. Kate F. says:

    I too have a problem with unrealistic expectations of myself. Bit by bit, as I start to let go of the perfectionism and anxiety, I see myself slowly making progress. High expectations are good, but expectations also need to be within reason. Drawing the line between too high and within reason is where I seem to get lost…

    • Kate, I am so glad that you could relate to this. I continue to struggle with perfectionism and anxiety. I too get lost between too high and within reason until I say those unrealistic expectations out loud. Then I realize the truth that they are simply too high.

  2. Laura says:

    I can totally relate to defining myself through what I do instead of who I am. Sometimes I don’t even know who I am outside of my accomplishments. So I will tell you something about who you are. You’re caring and brave enough to write about what makes you human. So that people like me can read this and know they’re not alone. I’m sorry to hear that anxiety is still prevalent in your life. I know how awful it can be. But you’re doing all right things! Keep up the exercise. It’s the one thing that brings me some little bit of relief.

    • Laura, I can so relate to this. “Sometimes I don’t even know who I am outside of my accomplishments.” I think that is why motherhood was a struggle for me. You don’t get the praise and feedback like you do at school or at work.

      Your comment about who I am made me cry in a good way. I started this blog so that people would feeel like they weren’t alone in their struggle. I have struggled with anxiety on and off for thirteen years. It ebbs and flows, but the exercise is helping so much. Instead of resisting the fight or flight response, I channel that energy into running and walking.

  3. Thank you for sharing this with Just Be Enough. I think a lot of people can relate to the self-definition through what you do. I mean, I think about meeting new people, and one of the first things out of people’s mouths is: What do you do?

    Good luck finding some sort of balance that eases the anxiety a little. I don’t have it myself but a few people close to me struggle, and I know sometimes admitting you are having a hard time helps at least a bit.

    • Thank you Angela. I am working on finding balance. It is something that I have to readjust and tweak from time to time. I feel relieved after admitting that I have been struggling lately.

  4. Good for you friend.
    Medications can onlly go so far. We have to put in the effort too and I’m happy that you’re taking those steps to help you on this journey.
    Self care is so important!

    • Kim, I forget how critical self care is until I am struggling. I am making appointments on my calendar at work to block out time for exercise. It has helped me immensely to just walk away from my desk and take a break.

  5. Lisa says:

    This is a great post and a timely reminder about how important self-care is and how sucky our high expectations of ourself are! Your strategies are amazing and I’m sure will bring the results you need.

    • I feel like I need to remind myself at least daily about how much I need self-care and that I am not Supermom! I wish I would not buy into the trap that I need to be everything for everyone all the time and forget about my needs.

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