One of the hardest things that I have ever had to do was to admit that I still am struggling with anxiety. I met with my therapist last week, and she gently recommended a possible medication dosage increase. I realized that I have been taking more of my anti-anxiety medication than I had anticipated. I am seeing my therapist on a more regular basis instead of just calling her as I need to.
I have unrealistic expectations of myself. I try to be super mom and do it all. I want to change how I react to things, but I hate to admit that I need help. My pride gets in the way. I realized that I needed to do something when my friend @story3girl told me that she hated to see me struggling so much. I thought I was coping so well, but I could not fool some of my dear friends who can read through the lines of blog posts, Facebook posts and tweets.
So I am amping up the self-care. I am trying a bit unsuccessfully to get more sleep. I am making a committed effort to move more. I registered at our on site fitness center, and I have committed to a weekly yoga class for the next two months. I am looking at exercise as a release for all the tension and anxiety. I am taking baby steps and committing to just a half hour of exercise three to four days a week.
I am keeping in touch with my therapist and my psychiatrist. I am working on giving myself mini-breaks throughout the day to help refocus myself. I am working on giving myself permission to be anxious as I continue to ramp up in my new position. No one can learn a new position and be an expert in sixty days, right? I am giving myself time and permission to adjust to my expectations and learn the expectations of the new position. I realize how much of my identity is wrapped up in what I do instead of who I am. I think that this contributes to my quest for perfectionism and the resulting anxiety. I am giving myself permission to just be enough as I am right now in this very moment.