How it all began

I finally realized that something was not right on Mother’s Day of this year.  My dear friend was hosting a free yoga class for her teacher training.  My requests for Mother’s Day were: go to Mass, go to yoga and have a nice homecooked meal. 

As I sat in the stillness of Savasana (Corpse Pose), I realized how I felt disconnected from myself.  I felt anxious and sore like I was holding in tension.  I spoke with my husband and confided in him that I felt like something was not right. 

He told me that he felt like I hadn’t been myself since Skeeter was born, nearly 7 months ago.  I seemed to be doing well, but then I’d just break down.  I would call him at work, sobbing because I could barely make it out of the house in the morning. 

Mornings were very hard for me.  My husband worked early, so it was just me getting both girls out the door to daycare.  I would wake up, eat breakfast, pump breastmilk, take a shower, wake up Skeeter to nurse, get her dressed, wake up Munch to get her dressed, get myself dressed and get us out the door.  After I dropped the girls off at daycare, I had a 45 minute commute to work.  Any variation from the schedule would send me into a panic.  Someone was always crying in the mornings – Skeeter, Munch or me and sometimes all three of us.  I thought that I was going crazy. 

So I made a call the next day to get evaluated.  I was terrified about what the therapist would say.  I was afraid that she would think I was an unfit mother and that my girls would be taken away from me.  The more I thought about the message I had left, the more I began to panic.

On my way home from work, I called my cousin who is a social worker.  I told her that I thought I was suffering from postpartum anxiety and then I burst into tears.  She reassured me that my girls wouldn’t be taken from me.  She helped me to state my concerns in a way that would help me get seen as soon as possible by the therapist. 

I was able to get into the therapist two days after my first phone call to her.  That’s how my journey began.  Two sessions later, I received my diagnosis of postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety.


About tranquilamama

Juggling parenthood, housework and working outside the home in the corporate world with my wonderful husband. Mom to 2 beautiful girls. PPD and PPA survivor. The title of my blog is after a phrase that was repeated to me in Spain during my semester abroad in college. It roughly translates to relax and calm down. Trying to tame my inner perfectionist and just be a good enough mom.
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4 Responses to How it all began

  1. story3girl says:

    You are so brave and so wise. I’m happy to see you blogging. 🙂

  2. We all have our stories, each one so important..each one with the power to heal, and the power to reach and support others.


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